Like the rainy, stormy weather this past week, so has been the dark cloud hovering over me. Feelings of uncertainty, heavy-heartedness, and lethargic slowness billow over my being. I don't even know from where these feelings come. I'm a serious person, but not a Debbie-downer.
Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in what is right,
and teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,
for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. Psalm 25:8-10
I try do what's right. I sit before the LORD and ask Him to return to me the joy of my salvation. I ask why. I recall His faithfulness. I count my gifts. But the heaviness continues and I feel the blow of being hit by a freight-train. I want to know His way. I want certainty in His direction. My theology believes in His faithfulness but I want to see the purpose of this right now!
What matters is treading with Him! I may never understand this heaviness and uncertainty, but if I am abiding in Him, despite my burdened feelings, even this heavy path is one He's on with me. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness.
These feelings don't mean that I've derailed. Though I should make sure I don't have unconfessed sin hindering my relationship with Jesus, but if nothing seems unconfessed, then I must just accept that I am only human and I am allowed to feel the whole gamut of emotions. I can still choose to tread with Jesus, to know He's beside me in the darkness ,and that He is good and upright and soon the sun will come out while the dark clouds move on toward the east like after a morning rain.
Do you find yourself in a dark spot wondering why? If anyone understands, it's Jesus. As His time to walk the road to the cross drew near and came upon Him, Jesus knew the darkness. Talk to Jesus about your circumstance. Choose to believe that even this dark path is one He will remain on with you and His love remains with you. I'd love to pray for you, that the sunshine on your heart would rise. Email me here.