Run away

Physically fatigued, driving through heavy snow and traffic, the battle raged in my head. Wipers and defrost on high and struggling to see, Satan echoes in my mind, "You can't do this. You can't even get there. A leader in Bible Study has to live closer and be physically available. You're not committed to this Bible Study, you want to turn around and go home." Lies. Deep inside, I know these are lies but I can't quite shake the doubt that I'm not the right person for this ministry.
Safely arrived and listening to shared insight and revelations from the Lord, Satan taunts again, "You don't know anything compared to everyone else here. You are not qualified to lead. Others are more equipped than you." Struggling to focus on the discussion, I acknowledge these are Satan's lies, and turn my mind to what is true, honorable, right..(Philippians 4:8.) What do we do when the lies we hear contradict what we believe God has told us? Two things: recall and seek again. We prayed about the call to serve in leadership; believers affirmed me, God opened doors, His Word and Spirit affirmed. Still, the doubt. Can you relate? Have you ever pounded your head against the wall saying, I can't do this? The kids are whining and demanding. The deadline has come and gone; your company and personal reputation are on the line. Showtime is in ten minutes and you're not prepared. I can't do this.
Opening my Bible after a good night's rest, I am again amazed at how His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). This is seeking again.
Seek the Lord and His strength,
Seek His presence continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11
It is not your own strength that can accomplish the tasks to which He calls you. His strength through you is sufficient. Your inadequacies cause you to rely on His strength.
For is who is God except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
God is my strength and power
and He makes my way perfect. 2 Samuel 22:32
He is solid, dependable and unbreakable. There is no task you cannot face without Him within you. He is within you when you believe in Christ, God's perfect Son sent to earth to offer His life for your wrong doing. You get so much for so little. 
When you accept the roles and position He calls you to, whether it be motherhood, leadership at work, in the community or church, and then obey His commands you will be equipped.
After you say "yes" to the road He places before you, comes the obedience. You have to be completely yielded to Him and available for God to work through you. When you experience success, He gets the glory. When you face a road block, you know He will work a miracle and if He doesn't, He's directing you somewhere else. We are all created with a sinful nature. We want our own way. We need Him to remove our heart of stone and give us His heart.
Whatever God calls you to, He wants you to serve Him through that ministry. 
Regard us as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy. 1 Corinthians 4:1-2
Merriam-Webster defines a stewards as "a person whose job is to manage the land and property of another person." God trusts you to manage His land and property with the tasks He puts before you. This is your ministry. Do those you minister to also trust you? In Jesus' parable of the talents, the master applauds those who are faithful with a little and rewards them with more to manage (Matthew 25:21, 23).
It seems surreal to me that God has placed in my heart such a deep desire to know Him more and His Word. To wake up in the morning, wondering, "What is He going to teach me today?" This seems unnatural. I would have never imagined myself like this five-years ago. I don't know why God has called me to write. He keeps affirming me in it though through His Spirit, people and circumstances. I felt like the Spirit called me to write every week this year. Discipline is super-natural! I am not super-natural, but Christ in me is. I could runaway from the ministry He has placed before me, but He trusts me to be available to do it through me.
Listen to the song by Waterdeep and let the lyrics be a conversation with God.
I could run away 
But You would never leave 
You would always stay 
Right by my side 

Everything I've ever wanted 
I've found in you 

And I need you, Oh I need you 
Every step of the way

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